Are Your Teenagers Addicted?

Our youth spend their late night hours having fun, and the "spinner" has long since been replaced by other activities. Dr, Yaniv Efrati explains.

by Dr. Yaniv Efrati

Dr. Yaniv Efrati

Our youth spend their late night hours having fun, and "fidget spinners" have long since been replaced by other activities. Our youngsters are wonderful, but any dystopian scenarios (by instilling fear or threats) will be useless in guiding them correctly as far as high-risk behaviors and the development of addictions.
At one of the lectures I attended, the lecturer brought center stage blackened lungs and explained about the irreversible damage of cigarette smoking. After the lecture, someone told me he must have a cigarette to calm down after hearing the lecture.

So what does work? What can we do as parents?

Social learning – our youth are, in fact, a reflection of our society. Social interaction, films and the media are saturated with alcohol and drugs. There must be reliable and coherent information mediation, clearly showing that excessive drinking, inordinate viewing of pornographic materials and drug use are extremely dangerous and can cause irreparable damage.

The question of need – ask a teenager why he drinks, watches pornography or uses drugs. What need does it fill? It is important to differentiate between usage, excessive usage and addiction. Usage is often a response to curiosity, peer pressure or a desire for social acceptance. As parents, information regarding sensible consumption of alcohol or exposure to pornography may provide a good and adequate response. Excessive usage often reflects a need to escape extreme daily pressures (we live in a highly competitive, achievement-oriented society.)

As parents, we must understand that teenagers need our help in confronting their own internal world. Stop for a moment, talk to them, strengthen your bonds and help them deal with the difficulties they face in their lives. Generally, addiction is not defined in the teen years since their personalities have not yet been completely molded. However, it is possible to discern those teens with a propensity for addiction, and refer them to professional help.

Help them, at first, to "crack open" the narrative they tell themselves, that they are in control, everything is fine, and that parents are needlessly interfering. Reflect to them how their lives are unfolding with alcohol, porno or drugs, and what their lives would be like without these behaviors.

Parental presence and supervision – the paradox between allowing independence for teens and controlling supervision is built-in in teen parenting. Many of us remember teaching our children to ride a bicycle without training wheels for the first time. We held on tight from the back, while trying unsuccessfully to straighten them out so they would succeed. After half an hour, the results were not satisfactory and our backs fell apart.

We understood that this was not the way to teach bicycle riding. We put helmets and knee guards on them, gave them a small push to straighten out, and then simply let go. Amazingly, after a few minutes they caught on and started riding alone. As parents, we must learn to let go and to facilitate independence and autonomy in our children (this is vital for developing their independent identity), while, on the other hand, it is important to be present in their lives, to watch over and protect them (helmets and knee guards) and accompany them from the sidelines.

Order in the chaos – help them construct for themselves, particularly for summer vacation, a daily schedule with clearly defined borders. When to get up, how much time to spend on the computer, friends, trips, help at home and curfew time. Prepare a written contract accepted by both sides, delineating times and agreed borderlines. It is vital to create order within the chaos of summer vacation.

Our teenagers are wonderful. Let us be there for them, let us mediate and reinforce our bonds with our children, while conducting fruitful dialogue. Find times to simply sit down with them and discuss love, sexuality, alcohol, drugs, bullying on the web and much more…they need us.

Dr. Yaniv Efrati is a lecturer at the Orot Israel College of Education, a researcher of sexuality and addictions, and the founder of IHS, The Israeli Center for Healthy Sexuality.